I've always had a rather strange relationship with pain; that said I still remember that anxious anticipation I had as I awaited my 18th birthday 10 years ago...so that I could receive my very first tattoo. I had counted the days down, as many do until their 21st; I'd always had an affinity & facination toward "ink". Said tattoo is an oriental dragon that I'd drawn myself--for good luck. 10 years & 10 tattoos later--& I'm hooked for life....
To me--tattoos are one of the ultimate forms of self expression--one of the few "real" commitments a person can make in their lifetime...to themselves, to their beliefs. You wear your soul on the outside of your skin; your ink tells a story to the world for all to see. They can be beautiful, they can be protective...they can make you feel strong.
Each one of mine have a very special meaning to me; I'm proud of them, & they make me feel beautiful & strong. I've no regrets. I take the whole thing very seriously. It's something I'm quite passionate about. Most girls have those days where they like to put on a pretty dress & show off--"strut their stuff ", so to speak. This has never been the case for me--but I do have those days where I'll put on my boots & a black tank top--& all that ink is visible--to my eye & everyone else's--& for once I feel beautiful...Self-esteem has never been my strong point--but damn if those black images etched across my pale skin don't make me feel good about myself. Unfortunately, mainstream society is not as accepting of this form of expression; as I need to work a regular day to day job, mine are all in locations where I can "put them away" as needed, but how refreshing to "let 'em all hang out"...
It's been a tough couple of weeks for me as of late, & today I went for another brush with pain--& had myself marked with a symbol that I find not only beautiful, but protective & inspiring. It is a reminder to always be true to myself--to never lose who I am, or forget what I can do. That said, for me--it's not only about the finished product, but also the process of putting it on....
I'm of the opinion that there are 3 types of people when it comes to ink. Firstly, are the people who ask you "Does it hurt?" They'll never experience it for themselves, because either their too scared, or they view tattoos & their recipients with scorn. Then, you have those who have one token little piece; these folks will tell you it hurt too much, & they'll never get another. Or they'll get something stupid & meaningless & regret it later; these are the loons who then waste their money on shit like laser tattoo removal! If you weren't sure--why the fuck did you put it on your skin to begin with?! It pleases me probably a bit too much to think that the laser removal will be even more painful, & cost them more! Then there are people like me, those who fell in love after their first taste, & if money & the work force were not an issue, your skin would be covered. You'll always have a taste for it, & will probably continue to get inked throughout your lifetime...
But I've gotten distracted. I am one of the strange few--& I know there must be others like me--who not only love the finished piece--but everything about being "inked". To me, the feeling of the needle against my skin is like no other. Yes, there is pain--but not all pain is bad. It can be cleansing, purifying; it frees me. By the time the tattoo is finished, any stress & anguish has ebbed & fallen away. This feeling--it can be therapeutic, it can be pleasurable, it can be cathartic. A little masochistic--perhaps? It makes me feel peaceful & safe. It's not sexual for me, though it could be; I once knew someone who took it there...
When I've expressed this opinion to other people, many of them think I'm a freak! & if that's the case, well, that's me. Take me as I am I say. I once had a tattooist--& this is a bizarre story--tell me, I was a psychopath! This guy was quite talented--but had no ink himself! I'd been observing as other folks went under his needle before letting him have a go at me...& then I took my turn. Now I am one of those people that doesn't always "mingle" well with others--but the tattooed seem to have a shared bond. It's almost like you're part of this "club"--I can always shoot the shit with the tattoo artists. So I'm talking with this guy--& I'm dumbfounded; a tattooist with no ink just blows my mind! I can't wrap my head around it! So I have to ask how it can be that his skin is naked; his response to me is : "I'm not crazy! You're crazy! You just sat there & let me carve this thing into your shin & didn't even flinch! Men twice your size don't do that!..." This made me smile--& the tattoo still turned out cool.
So for me it's just one of those noteable experiences. Throughout your life, you'll fall in love, you'll have your heart broken, you'll get "lucky", you'll make mistakes -perhaps you'll learn from them. You'll do some incredible things, & some not so incredible, & hopefully sometimes you'll even surprise yourself. You'll live. & maybe you'll get inked too. Perhaps it'll set you free as well...
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It is so interesting to hear You talk about what You enjoy about the process of being inked. I completely understand the cathartic release from the pain, although I have none myself. Maybe one day I will. Friends like You, John, Dennis and Chris make me want ink. But then I look around at most of the people I see with them and immediately get turned off to the entire thing. Still, one day perhaps ...
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