A Note to My Friends

I am beginning a new project--an experiment if you will.

I am not abandoning this post--but I will also be running another-that will run an ongoing story.

I am inviting you to join me on this adventure.

Go to www.monstermemoir.blogspot.com or click the link on the sidebar.

I hope you enjoy reading, as I enjoy writing it.

Feed Me Music!

-There's nuthin' left to do but escape; you've just gotta decompress.
-Gotta chill out--mellow & free; can't settle for anything less.

-Dim down the lights--turn your stereo loud.
-Crank up the tunes --hard, fierce & proud.

-All alone--just bang your head.
-Your frown fades away & you smile instead.

Dance like no one's watching--sing without a care.
Doesn't matter if they see you--fuck 'em--let 'em stare.
Shrieking like a banshee--lost in a blur of hair.
Doesn't matter if they see you--fuck 'em--let 'em stare!

-Close your eyes--really feel the bass thrumming.
-Bounce carefree--insistant, vibrant drumming.

-Let the music soothe you--as only music can.
-& If they don't get it--then they'll never understand.

-Really listen to the lyrics--let 'em speak to you.
-Never met a force in nature that's more honest, tried & true.

Dance like no one's watching--sing without a care.
Doesn't matter if they see you--fuck 'em--let 'em stare.
Shrieking like a banshee--lost in a blur of hair.
Doesn't matter if they see you--fuck 'em --let 'em stare!

-Get swept away--swing & sway to the beat.
-Revitalize my heart--never admit defeat!

-Shut out the whole damn world--turn that frown upside down.
-Spin 'round like a child --savoring every sound.

-Regardless of what you do--no matter what they say.
-The music is something they can never take away.

Dance like no one's watching--sing without a care.
Doesn't matter if they see you--fuck 'em--let 'em stare.
Shrieking like a banshee--lost in a blur of hair.
Doesn't matter if they see you--fuck 'em--let 'em stare!

-Find your own private anthem--unearth your own theme song.
-Life is hard --the world is wrong--let the music make you strong.

-Scream along--resist & find your voice!
-Fight back, rebel--& make your fuckin' choice!

-Let the music heal you--absorbed into the soul.
-& if it's too loud--then you're too goddamn old!

Dance like no one's watching--sing without a care.
Doesn't matter if they see you--fuck 'em--let 'em stare!
Shrieking like a banshee--lost in a blur of hair.
Doesn't matter if they see you--fuck 'em --let 'em stare!

-Feed me music like I'm dying.
-No more time for whining & crying!

-Larger than life--I can stand hard & tall.
-Can't knock me down--ain't never gonna fall!

-All I want is to be free!
-All I want is to be me!

-Dust my ass off--I'm a-okay!
-Won't stay down--fuck it--tomorrow's a whole new day!

Dance like no one's watching--sing without a care!
Doesn't matter if they see you--fuck 'em--let 'em stare!
Screaming like a banshee--lost in a blur of hair!
Doesn't matter if they see you--fuck 'em--let 'em stare!

Mischeivous Angel

-Angels perch upon my shoulders; one on either side.
-Conceal your heart's secrets; from yourself you cannot hide.

-One acts as my conscience; honest, wise, & true.
-The other causes mischief, as she is wont to do.

-I fight to hold my balance, between the dark & light.
- Eternally resisting the whispering of the night.

-The vast unknown, it beckons me, to spread my wings & fly.
-To shed my skin, begin anew, & let my old self die.

-Twisting thoughts & tangled hearts; they war within my head.
-The choice is never easy; I daydream instead.

-Always treading water; trying not to drown.
-Fight so hard to keep my smile; lost within a frown.

-Attempting to stay grounded--instead I'm chasing stars.
-Seeking out life's magic; slipping between the bars.

-& that mischievous angel--she whispers in my ear.
-Full of lies & secrets, that I don't need to hear.

-She fills my head with fantasies, 'til I want to saw my wrists.
-Then I breathe in the magick; there's more to life than this.

-Scattered stars shine down on me; bathe me in their light.
-Reminding me, I too can shine, if I don't lose my fight.

-So I just keep on moving, as the battle's not yet won.
-Whenever I consult the cards, I seem to draw the sun.

-The little stars believe in me, so all is not yet lost.
-Someday I will touch them; no matter what the cost.

-& that troublesome little angel, always whispering in my ear.
-Why is she the one that is easiest to hear?

Soul Music

-Roaring, whistling, all around; strain to hear that thrumming sound.
-Tune to a frequency no one else hears; hear the music in the air.
-Strumming, thrumming, sweep me away; to better lands & better days.
-No one's listening, no one sees; nature's symphony for insignificant me.

No more worries, no more pain; wash me clean in the pouring rain.
Heal me, cleanse me, no more pain; wash me clean in the pouring rain.

-Whispering secrets, teach me to fly; open & true--no time for lies.
-I too can be beautiful, I too can be free; revel in the night & dance under the trees.
-Strength & beauty all around; drinking in that thrumming sound.
-Music, music in the night; the masses tremble, hidden in fright.

No more worries, no more pain; wash me clean in the pouring rain.
Heal me, cleanse me, no more pain; wash me clean in the pouring rain.

-As unexpectedly as it came; so dies the music, along with the rain.
-The wind ceases to scream, the magick quells; pattering raindrops, & the power lulls.
-Drum beats fleeting, but they're still there; tilt your head & strain to hear.
-I won't fret, for it's not gone; listen hard, you'll hear the song.

No more worries, no more pain; wash me clean in the pouring rain.
Heal me, cleanse me, no more pain; my heart sings with the pouring rain.

Possessed by the Rain

I actually have 2 things I'm going to post today, the previous poem, & the following journal entry; both were written in the midst of the most incredible thunderstorm I've seen in years...This was Thursday night (7/9/08); I couldn't chance getting on the computer, & run the risk of being struck by lightning & blowing it up! That said...



"I am in my favorite part of the house as I write this, meaning of course, that I am out on the porch again. I am sitting here, in the midst of an absolutely incredible thunderstorm--the air is electric & I cannot bear to be caged indoors. The night beckons me. Wow! Purple lightning just sliced through the night like a glowing blade, & the sky is roaring, as though any minute, it will come crashing down on my head. The wind is whistling & the rain is drumming out it's own music.


Music--that's exactly what it is. Mother Natures' own brand of pulsing, throbbing, tribal music. My thoughts drift to my friend in California; I wish he could hear this. He also hears music in the rain....


It's like listening on a frequency that no one else can hear; the rest of the world seeks refuge indoors, & I breathe in the fresh air greedily, as though I've never gotten a taste before. Healing, cleansing, beautiful, & free--it smells like inner peace to me.


It's nights like this one that make you realize just how small you really are, in the grand scheme of it all. Makes me think, just how lucky I am--simply to be here to see it. Nothing can leave me gaping in awe like the wonders of Mother Nature.


The night sky is tinted with blues & purples; it looks like a water color painting, swished across the darkened clouds. & then it just lights up--the clouds glowing & shimmering as though back-lit....purple, azure, amber...This is so much more beautiful than any pre-manufactured holiday light show! Nothing man-made could even come close to what I'm witnessing overhead at this moment. The trees rustle & the leaves fall, dancing in the breeze. It makes me feel like dancing too.


In one of my very favorite books, "V for Vendetta", one of the charcters says "God is in the rain". Now I don't believe in God--not as most people do, but this phrase has stayed with me. I've never felt that spiritual, peaceful calm that some folks get from entering a church; I do, however, feel it right this minute. This is as close to feeling "God" as I've ever been...


A raging maelstrom, tearing through the night sky--it's as close to touching freedom as you're ever going to get....untamed, wild, beautiful freedom.


If only you could catch it in a jar, & save it for a day when you really need it, but that would defeat the purpose. So when it comes, you must stop, & take full advantage of it. Tonight, I feel as though nature has sent me a gift.


The trailer park seems so empty; there's no one outside except little old me. So I sit alone, & drink in the splendor all around me, basking in the hidden music of the night...."

Trees

~The calm, it washes over me; in that quiet place where I can fly free.
~Trees rustling their melancholy song; never forget to keep moving along.
~Don't falter, don't dawdle, run to the light; it's your life, it's worth the fight.
~Your strength & your peace are trapped within; selfish indulgence, embrace your sin.

Sentinal trees, looming above; what do they know of mortal love?
Seeking for answers, face tilted above; what do they know of mortal love?

~Unwaveringly strong, unbending & proud; the thoughts in my head are much too loud.
~I sit below, gazing up at the trees; their wisdom & beauty bring me to my knees.
~Their liberating song--how I wish to sing; my voice is muted, what pain it brings.
~Electric air, wind dancing with my hair; this renewed fire is too much to bear.

Sentinel trees, looming above; what do they know of mortal love?
Seeking my answers, face tilted above; what do they know of mortal love?

~The silence engulfs me, trying to mend; learn from the trees, don't give in & bend.
~Breathe it all in, can't give up & die; you'll never know unless you try.
~You are who you pretend to be; be sure that you choose carefully.
~Life is worth living--I should be dancing, but it won't wait for me; hesitate & you'll be left, waiting beneath the trees.

Sentinel trees, looming above; what do they know of mortal love?
Seeking my answers, face tilted above; what do they know of mortal love?

Lives On Different Frequencies...

~Little star, I can't catch you; why do I even try?
~Sometimes just in passing through, we brighten each other's lives.


~Moments shared & laughter traded; it makes it all worthwhile.
~So burned out & jaded; sometimes we forget to smile.


~We don't know where we're going, only where we've been.
~The repetition's trying; it's good to have a friend.


~The world, it beats down on me; my patience wearing thin.
~Can't be all the places you want to be; try not to lose your grin.



~I think it's all about finding that place where we belong; sometimes lives on different frequencies can still play the same song.
~Keeping grip so desperately, trying to hold on; remember lives on different frequencies can still play the same songs.


~People drift in on the wind; some pass through with the seasons.
~Some are there through thick & thin; some fade for their own reasons.


~Connecting with a lucky few; twin souls passing in the night.
~Without question they are there for you, through all the wrongs & rights.


~Stealing all the fun you can; take it day by day.
~It isn't chance or happenstance; some will even stay.


~Accepting us for who we are; not who we wish to be.
~Leaving impressions like a scar; ripples on the sea.



~I think it's all about finding that place where you belong; sometimes lives on different frequencies can still play the same song.
~Keeping grip so desperately, trying to hold on; remember sometimes different frequencies can still play the same songs.


~Without warning life's torrential rain--it sweeps us in new directions.
~Shining throughout the laughter & pain--graced by those connections.


~They say it's better to have loved & lost, than to have never felt at all.
~Even with all it may have cost, I'd rather take the fall.


~Through all of life's insanity, it's hard to find the time.
~So easy to be washed away; some get left behind.


~But some, they will come back to you; forget the future--live in the now.
~No regrets, treasure those precious few; fortunate to bear their mark--let them show you how.



~I think it's all about finding that place where you belong; sometimes lives on different frequencies can still play the same song.
~Keeping grip so desperately, trying to hold on; never forget that lives on different frequencies can still play the same songs.

For All the Broken Children

~Sit on the porch steps, watch the purple night fall; when will I understand it all?

~A strangling feeling creeping over me; that lost little girl just never sleeps.

~Somewhere between happiness & pain; lurking between the sunshine & rain.

~I want to scream, I want to feel; then it all becomes too real.

~A jagged blade, a biting kiss; close your eyes & feel this.

~Some call me crazy, but I'm not listening; even though the tears are glistening.

~You say I'm not damaged, tell me I'm not broken; softer words were never spoken.

~There must be a place for me to belong; always replaying the same tired song.

~Drowning in feeling, fly me away; if only to dance in another blue day.

~A jagged blade, a biting kiss; close your eyes & feel this.

~Crank up the music, those deep soulful dirges; wrap them around me & snuff out the urges.

~Protect my heart, hide behind words; set them free...soaring birds.

~Cast them out & let my face shine; light a fire that's only mine.

~Take in the night air, breathe it in deeply; find a way to scream discretely.

~A jagged blade, a biting kiss; close your eyes & feel this.

Thunder Magick

~Electricity in the air, taste the rain on your tongue. Feel the magic; it surrounds you.

~Rain falls down, tears from the sky. Tears of joy? Perhaps...

~A new life emerges into a screaming world. She opens her eyes, just a splinter.

~All time stops & the world is silent, for only a moment. Don't forget to breathe.

~Shadows dance, & you just know magic is afoot. It slinks in the night, hiding just before you catch sight.

~A frightened friend stands guard, a neurotic sentry watching over her. An old friend smiles, a new mother. Her grin lights the room brighter than the lightning in the sky.

~I reach for her hand, just the softest brush of fingers. Electric. Shocking power.

~I was wrong. I'm glad I came.

~Sometimes, you have to open your eyes & face your fears. Stare down the world.

~Taste the rain on your tongue. Savor the magic...

Let The Ink Set You Free

I've always had a rather strange relationship with pain; that said I still remember that anxious anticipation I had as I awaited my 18th birthday 10 years ago...so that I could receive my very first tattoo. I had counted the days down, as many do until their 21st; I'd always had an affinity & facination toward "ink". Said tattoo is an oriental dragon that I'd drawn myself--for good luck. 10 years & 10 tattoos later--& I'm hooked for life....

To me--tattoos are one of the ultimate forms of self expression--one of the few "real" commitments a person can make in their lifetime...to themselves, to their beliefs. You wear your soul on the outside of your skin; your ink tells a story to the world for all to see. They can be beautiful, they can be protective...they can make you feel strong.

Each one of mine have a very special meaning to me; I'm proud of them, & they make me feel beautiful & strong. I've no regrets. I take the whole thing very seriously. It's something I'm quite passionate about. Most girls have those days where they like to put on a pretty dress & show off--"strut their stuff ", so to speak. This has never been the case for me--but I do have those days where I'll put on my boots & a black tank top--& all that ink is visible--to my eye & everyone else's--& for once I feel beautiful...Self-esteem has never been my strong point--but damn if those black images etched across my pale skin don't make me feel good about myself. Unfortunately, mainstream society is not as accepting of this form of expression; as I need to work a regular day to day job, mine are all in locations where I can "put them away" as needed, but how refreshing to "let 'em all hang out"...

It's been a tough couple of weeks for me as of late, & today I went for another brush with pain--& had myself marked with a symbol that I find not only beautiful, but protective & inspiring. It is a reminder to always be true to myself--to never lose who I am, or forget what I can do. That said, for me--it's not only about the finished product, but also the process of putting it on....

I'm of the opinion that there are 3 types of people when it comes to ink. Firstly, are the people who ask you "Does it hurt?" They'll never experience it for themselves, because either their too scared, or they view tattoos & their recipients with scorn. Then, you have those who have one token little piece; these folks will tell you it hurt too much, & they'll never get another. Or they'll get something stupid & meaningless & regret it later; these are the loons who then waste their money on shit like laser tattoo removal! If you weren't sure--why the fuck did you put it on your skin to begin with?! It pleases me probably a bit too much to think that the laser removal will be even more painful, & cost them more! Then there are people like me, those who fell in love after their first taste, & if money & the work force were not an issue, your skin would be covered. You'll always have a taste for it, & will probably continue to get inked throughout your lifetime...

But I've gotten distracted. I am one of the strange few--& I know there must be others like me--who not only love the finished piece--but everything about being "inked". To me, the feeling of the needle against my skin is like no other. Yes, there is pain--but not all pain is bad. It can be cleansing, purifying; it frees me. By the time the tattoo is finished, any stress & anguish has ebbed & fallen away. This feeling--it can be therapeutic, it can be pleasurable, it can be cathartic. A little masochistic--perhaps? It makes me feel peaceful & safe. It's not sexual for me, though it could be; I once knew someone who took it there...

When I've expressed this opinion to other people, many of them think I'm a freak! & if that's the case, well, that's me. Take me as I am I say. I once had a tattooist--& this is a bizarre story--tell me, I was a psychopath! This guy was quite talented--but had no ink himself! I'd been observing as other folks went under his needle before letting him have a go at me...& then I took my turn. Now I am one of those people that doesn't always "mingle" well with others--but the tattooed seem to have a shared bond. It's almost like you're part of this "club"--I can always shoot the shit with the tattoo artists. So I'm talking with this guy--& I'm dumbfounded; a tattooist with no ink just blows my mind! I can't wrap my head around it! So I have to ask how it can be that his skin is naked; his response to me is : "I'm not crazy! You're crazy! You just sat there & let me carve this thing into your shin & didn't even flinch! Men twice your size don't do that!..." This made me smile--& the tattoo still turned out cool.

So for me it's just one of those noteable experiences. Throughout your life, you'll fall in love, you'll have your heart broken, you'll get "lucky", you'll make mistakes -perhaps you'll learn from them. You'll do some incredible things, & some not so incredible, & hopefully sometimes you'll even surprise yourself. You'll live. & maybe you'll get inked too. Perhaps it'll set you free as well...

Tell Me

~Tell me, do you believe in love? Do you think it's really real?

~Or is it just a fantasy; something that we long to feel?

~Will it make you invincible? Build you up & make you fly?

~Or will it leave you feeling broken, lost with tears welling in your eyes?

~Tell me, are you feeling strong? Content & happy, am I wrong?

~Or does it leave you feeling weak, wondering how you got so meek?

~Am I naive & idealistic? Nothing is ever that simplistic.

~Nothing is ever just black & white; there's always more than wrong & right.

~Tell me, can you conquer the world? As long as you're together, just you & your girl?

~Nothing that you cannot do, as long as it's the two of you?

~Are we all looking to be loved? For that one person to lift you above?

~Or will it only tear you down, leave you feeling like a clown?

~Tell me-- is there hope? Or have I been had? I'm discouraged, small & sad.

~Is there room for faith? Or have we all lost it? Look at all it's gone & cost us.

~The songs & movies, they all lied. They left you conficted & twisted inside.

~I thought nothing could stop us, you & me. But the weight is heavy, & I can't breathe.

Shine Bright

~Little star--shining bright; first star I see tonight.

~Show the world what you show me? Don't burn out --shine bright & free.

~We twinkle dimly behind our masks; let them down ever so briefly for a friend that asks.

~Disguising genius under sheeps' clothing; why can't we just kick free of the molding?

~In our own company we shine so brightly; when the doors are locked & bolted tightly.

~We scream & rant, claim we want to be heard; when the moment arises we lose our nerve.

~How I long to take that mask & cast it away; dance in the light & show my face to the day.

~But the scars run deep, old habits are hard to break; to bare my soul may be a mistake.

~So I gaze up at the stars & long to shine too; if you can muster up the courage, maybe I can follow you.


*I write this for my mate, & for all my friends who shine so brightly. & I write it to myself....

Will I?

~When you're small you wonder, "What will I be?"

~ Will I find magic? Will I be free?

~Will I be like my Daddy? Will I make him proud?

~Then you grow older; your thoughts aren't so loud.

~You learn to be quiet; scream only in your head.

~You seek to belong; find more questions instead.

~Will I find happiness? Will I find love?

~Is the answer written in the heavens above?

~No--I don't think so...Where should I look?

~Perhaps I'll find it in a book?

~Will I show the world the real me--or will they see what they want to see?

~Will I find the courage to chase my dreams--or will I be what they want me to be?

~Will I find an answer? Will I find my voice?

~Is it true? Is there always a choice?

~Will I be forgotten? Will I just disappear?

~Will anyone hear me? Is my path unclear?

~What will I do? Why are all good things fleeting?

~Is there more? Something I'm not seeing?

~Perhaps I am thinking much too hard; nothing is written in the cards.

~Lets live in the moment; please lend me your smile.

~Lets close our eyes; disappear for awhile.

Falling Star

~Falling stars may burn my skin, but it doesn't stop me from chasing them.

~Running beneath, face turned up to the sky; if a star hits the earth, I wonder, will it die?

~Sparks rain down, dangerously close to me; never have I witnessed something so untamed & free.

~You inspire hope, & whisper in my ear; I cup my hand & strain to hear.

~Playing with fire, you're bound to get burned; but sometimes caution is better left unlearned.

~You forget how to trust, forget how to give; I'd rather take chances than forget how to live.

~I know better, but I don't care; chase your dreams & take the dare.

~We find ourselves jaded, blind & deaf; there must be more, something left.

~The world is decaying, there's so much pain; yet I am awestruck by the rain.

~You can find beauty in the strangest of places; wonder etched in the hardest of faces.

~Unchecked grins & smiling eyes; words that survive the test of time.

~Friends that stand with you & love that won't die; stop being stubborn & open your eyes!

~It's worth the risk, lest you die in a cage; "fuck it & jump", my favorite adage.

~So I run below, clutching my open jar; I'm gonna catch a falling star.

Freak-girl

She always knew she was different, that she didn't quite belong anywhere. Her family thought her strange, her co-workers thought her stranger. She was the Freak-girl, & her very best--& only friend--was Lenny the Lost Boy. Lenny spoke to her only in her head. Always.

Chattering, twittering conversations between the two of them made her days worthwhile; the Freak-girl was never completely alone. Was Lenny only a figment of her imagination? Or was he like her? She didn't care--not really. Well, maybe that's not entirely truthful.

How she wished to see him, with her very own eyes, & how she longed to be seen. She wanted so badly to be seen, really seen, by the one person who'd never made her feel expendable. Disposable.

So, it is on an ordinary day, like any other ordinary day, that the Freak-girl embarks upon her search. She must find him. Lenny, her lost boy.

The Freak-girl shuffles along quietly; she hangs her head, dark hair masking her face. It cascades down in soft waves, hiding soft grey eyes that shine like stars. She's beautiful, but she doesn't know that. So lost. So sad. Where is her lost friend?

She walks along, the rain steaming down, soaking her through. She doesn't notice; she's listening to the boy that no one else can hear.

-"Lenny? Where are you? Why do you hide from me?"

-"I would never hide from you." He answers her. "Not on purpose."

-"Then show yourself. Even if it's only to me. I won't tell anyone. I swear it."

-"I can't. I'm so sorry--but I can't. I don't don't know how." He pleads with her; the sorrow hangs heavy on his voice.

Salty tears stream down the Freak-girl's face; they mingle with the rain, so they aren't evident to the eye. Or they wouldn't be, if she let anyone see her face. Or if anyone bothered to look.

-"Please." She whispers to herself. "I don't want to be alone anymore."

It is at this very moment, from the corner of her eye, that she catches a glimpse of something; it shines from the road. She stoops to scoop it into her palm, brushes it clean with her sleeve. Upon closer inspection, it is only a coin. This small silver coin bares a unique, twisting symbol on one side, & a cryptic inscription upon the other. "Share with me; set your true self free."

-"What the fuck? Share what?"

-"Give it something. An offering." Lenny cuts in.

-"What can I give...to a coin?"

-"Give it something that only you have...just a little piece of you."

Freak-girl doesn't really understand, but she knows in her heart that there is more to this than what she sees.

She puts the coin to her lips, & exhales. Warm, steamy breathe fogs the coin, but nothing else happens. She kisses it; nothing. She places it on her tongue; it's cool, & the metallic taste fills her mouth...but still, it's only a coin.

-"FREAK-GIRL!" Lenny shouts at her; his voice reverberates through her mind. She jumps, startled, & bites down on her tongue. Hard.

-"Fuck! Goddammit Lenny!"

She tastes the blood...bitter & salty. It mingles with the metallic taste in her mouth, & as it engulfs the coin, something strange begins to happen. Freak-girl feels the butterflies in her stomach, as everything starts to tingle. & then her fingers start to fade. They're transparent.

-"Lenny?! What's happening to me?! Help me--please?!"

-"It'll be okay. You'll be like me now. We'll be together." He exclaims; there's a sick sort of glee in his voice.

Freak-girl's arms vanish, as the void crawls up her body. Devouring her. Making her...gone. She gasps for air. Panicking. Gulping. Eyes wild. Losing all tangible feeling. Just...gone.

It is then that she notices the boy flickering into view before her, as she flickers out completely.

-"Lenny! What the fuck did you do to me?! Lenny?!"

-"It's okay now. Don't be scared." He whispers with a crooked grin as he tousles his mousy brown hair. "No one will hurt you. & you'll never be alone again. I can keep you safe in my head now..."

Save Me

~You try to save me, but I'm not broken--at least not in the way you think.

~There's so much more than what you see, in all of us, & not just me.

~We view the world through a jaded mirror; we listen on a frequency you cannot hear. Perhaps if you turned down the volume on your television? Perhaps not.

~We see beauty in what you discard; find wisdom in what you deem nonsense.

~It's what sets us apart & gives us our voice.

~We're not ashamed of it--why should you be?

~You try to silence us, but we only scream louder. Shout & rant & learn to sing. Jagged, blistered, & raw.

~We band together like moths to a flame; reckless & free, we dance in the rain.

~We reject what you teach us--have our own moral code. It's not that nothing matters--but it's not the lies we're told.

~We inspire each other, & learn to trust ourselves.

~You cannot censor us. We scribble it on the walls, carve it into our skins. Seeking our place in a world that wasn't made for us. Trying to breathe.

~Brilliant minds & beautiful voices--discounted as odd. Left to rot. Waiting to be discovered. Waiting to be heard.

~We're here to stay--& you can't "save"us. We don't want to be saved.

Smile

~Snapshots in my mind; yellowed & faded 'round the edges.

~Everything looks the same; folks rushing about, going nowhere.

~Shrieking childen, shrilly ringing cellular phones; they grate against my eardrums like fingernails scraping along a chalkboard.

~The mundane runs together, blurring & mixing like wet ink.

~My eyes wander, seeking wildly for something beautiful amongst the plain.

~They fall upon a young boy, leaning against a wall; a lit cigarrette dangles from his lips.

~The words "punk-rock" come to mind; he sports a mohawk so vibrantly green it rivals only his eyes.

~People push past him, with barely a glance; they drag their inquisitve children along as if they may "catch" whatever it is that he has, & he sneers at them. They should be so lucky...

~I smile at this; the boy returns this gesture with a crooked grin that would shame the cheshire cat...

Little Lost Me

~I breathe in this world, & it saddens me; my mind drifts to a place where we're truely free.

~Where magic abounds & monsters are real; the strong survive & you aren't wrong to "feel".

~You fight for what's right, & your heroes don't die; where everyone "knows" & there's no need to lie.

~Instead of your tail you chase your dreams, & nothing is ever as it seems.

~You don't get swallowed by the day to day; say what you mean & mean what you say.

~Where more than a few of us see through the grime, & being different is never a crime.

Stitched Up & Silent

~Cut my tongue out, stitch up my crooked smile; I'm spoiling for a fight, better to be quiet for a while.

~The words on my lips are jagged & cruel; the kind of low blow that breaks all the rules.

~A black fallen angel, etched into my skin; I've marked myself for life, labeled for sin.

~Stubborn & proud with a jaded grin; hard-headed & angry, why do you give in?

~I see through the bullshit, I see through the lies; this life is mine & I won't compromise.

~But it's better to swallow it down to my toes; words can cut deeply, even in prose.

~Broken glass & razorblades clatter in my head; I pull them in deeper, write it down instead.

~You can't take it back, once it's been spoken; letting it out can leave you broken.

~So you choose your battles, & pick your wars; sometimes you simply close all the doors.

~Slam them shut, lock 'em up tight; turn up the noise, why bother tonight?

~Drown it all out, find the silence in your mind; hide it so well, you're impossible to find.

~Curl up with yourself, fly away on a dream; only you can hear you scream.

~To speak it out loud will only make it worse; choke it down with a silent curse.

~You're not crazy, forget the pain; maybe you're the only one who's sane?

~It doesn't matter, though you forgot to take my side; lost in myself, tonight I hide...

Little Lost Soul

~We're all searching for way to be free; to find the person we wish to be.

~Seeking out that special spark; trying to find a way back through the dark.

~Angels fly & shadows sing; all I want is to find my wings.

~So many are lost, we wallow in pain; I turn my face up to the rain.

~Wash it away, & let me be free; a little lost soul, just let me be me!

~Try to fit, it doesn't work; I end up bleeding in the dirt.

~Stand back up, & brush yourself clean; misunderstood & the world is mean.

~It doesn't matter, no time to cry; not if you're going to learn to fly.

~Shed your skin, resist the mundane; if you succumb it will only be in vain.

~Wash it away & let us be free; little lost souls, just let us be.

~Never grow up, still trying to form; we band together, combat the scorn.

~A creative spark, we ride the wave; trying to find a path to pave.

~Never give in, it won't hurt less; you'll only be swallowed deeper by the mess.


~Hold to those who understand, & always take care of your own; follow your heart, & remember that, you'll never be alone.

~We may be the minority; but even little lost souls have a right to be free.

~Don't tread on me, I don't belong in a cage; you discard your freedom, & I can't hide my outrage.

~You tell me to throw away my dreams; it only makes me want to scream.

~Damaged & broken, that's how we're seen; given a chance, we too can gleam.

~You say you'll "fix" us, but don't bother to try; if you smother our hearts, we'll fade out & die.

~We just want to be heard, don't pray for me; little lost souls just want to be.

Just A Little Magic

~Spread your wings & fly; all you have to do is try.

~Close your eyes, grasp your magic feather; if you believe we can do it together.

~All you need is a little trust; & just a bit of pixie dust.

~Maybe it isn't magic at all? Maybe you won't really fall?

~I think you had it all along, hidden in your heart; all you really needed was to find a place to start.

~Take my hand, hold it tight,promise you won't look down. Believe in me, & I will too, we'll soar right out of town...

~Another time, another place, monsters nipping at our heels; we must be clever, we must be quick, there is no time to spin our wheels!

~Don't forget the magic words, they're hanging on your lips; sometimes things come at you so quickly you start to lose your grip.

~Come with me, you're not alone, that's what friends are for; don't be frightened, don't be scared, there's only a demon at your door.


~But it isn't real, I can't do all that, you know it isn't true; but then again--you believe in me...& I believe in you.

Little Star

-I cannot save the world. I can't save all my friends. But maybe--just maybe--I can save you...

-Little star, shining bright; if I look away--will you wink out? Will you leave me in the dark to wonder?

-To wonder if I'd tried harder, could I catch you by the tail? & is it wrong to even try?

-Wild & free--Impossible to tame.

-You don't see what I see.

-If you fall, I'll try to catch you, but beware. Even little stars can burn your skin...

For Starters

A friend of mine told me about "blogging"; I had no idea what he was talking about. In fact, upon suggesting it, I kind of laughed at him & then disregarded it. However, for those of you who know me, you know i've been on a sort of personal journey to "find myself"....creatively, as a person, as an individual. I've always been a creative soul, & seem to flourish only when I'm "creating", but for a very long time, I'd turned myself off. I lost something, & thought I'd never find it again. No more.



The biggest thing for me as of late is that I've started writing again. More than ever actually. I've been writing my very first novel with a close friend of mine, & it's been quite an adventure. Quite an opportunity, a life changing event if you will; it's changed my perspective on things, & opened my eyes quite a bit. The biggest thing is that not only do I think maybe I've started to find--for the first time ever--in 28 years--some semblance of a path--but my creative juices are flowing. I'm writing constantly; I want to write. It's no longer an effort.



Throughout my life, I've almost always kept a journal of some sort. & it's always been a very private thing. For me, this is a way to keep writing, & get myself more comfortable with the idea of being read. I've always thought "Who wants to read what I have to say?" Someone has convinced me otherwise, so lets see where we end up shall we?



So, these are my personal thoughts, writings, opinions, rants....I'm doing this mainly for myself--to unleash myself upon the world, & to invade this strange place we all know as the internet, which has oddly enough become a big part of my life as I use it to keep ties with friends both across the country & down the street.



Anyways--If you like what I have to say--feel free to join me & we'll see where the day takes us.